


The Tie: Chocolate Mayhem

by scorpio_15



Series: The Tie [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Friendship, M/M, Minor Violence, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-08 17:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/764260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpio_15/pseuds/scorpio_15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is an update to the original "The Tie" series.  This takes place in April 2011, about ten months after the series ended.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an update to the original "The Tie" series. This takes place in April 2011, about ten months after the series ended.

“Two months.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“The year’s gone by so fast.”  
  
“I know. In two months we’ll be…”  
  
“Married.”  
  
“Yeah.” Adam pulled Kris tighter into his arms and sighed. “But there’s still so much to do. How are we going to get it all done?”  
  
“Sutan.”  
  
“True, he is a miracle worker.”  
  
“Mhmm, and that’s why we hired him. Plus he does all the worrying so we don’t have to.” Kris chuckled. “But I know you’re gonna worry anyway.”  
  
“Yep.” Adam couldn’t see Kris’ smile, but he knew it was there. He knew that this man accepted him for exactly who he was, a worrier, organizer, over the top, emotionally intense, laden with baggage, passionate animal and occasional dork. He hugged Kris even harder.  
  
“Oof!”  
  
“Sorry, angel.”  
  
Kris wriggled and turned until he and Adam were face to face in the bed. “How ‘bout a real apology,” he said in a mischievous tone.  
  
“You got it,” Adam said as he leaned in to kiss his fiancé.  
  
They made love in the late morning sun that shone through their window. Adam took it slow, his lips never leaving Kris’ except to whisper, “I love you.” Late morning became noon, the sun rising ever higher in the crisp April sky, and by the time they were snuggling in post-coital bliss, both of their stomachs were rumbling.  
  
“I wish we had days like this more often,” said Adam, shifting a bit so he could play footsie with Kris under the covers.  
  
“Me too, and someone to serve us lunch in bed so we wouldn’t have to get up right now.”  
  
“You know, I did buy bacon the other day, and since we didn’t even have breakfast y--” His words were cut off by a squeal and a hearty kiss. Bacon was definitely banned from the wedding diet that they’d put themselves on, but since today was their first day off together in long time, Adam had thought it wouldn’t hurt to indulge a little. Of course he bought the nitrate-free, hormone-free, antibiotic-free, organic, farm raised variety to make it as healthy as possible.  
  
When Kris was finished thanking Adam, they hauled themselves up, threw on some comfy clothes and headed for the kitchen.  
  
“Will you check on Fifi while I get brunch started?” asked Adam. He’d jumped out of bed earlier this morning to feed her and let her outside. “She might be ready to come in now.” Kris nodded and pecked him on the cheek, and then Adam dove into chef mode.  
  
For starters, he made himself a green smoothie (kale, tangerines, frozen blueberries, tofu, protein powder and maple syrup) to sip on while he cooked. When it was done blending he poured some into a tall glass and put the rest in the fridge for later. He didn’t even try offering any to Kris, because he already knew the response he’d get: “It looks like baby poop, I’m not touching it.” Adam smiled to himself and gathered up the ingredients to make some of Kris’ favorites.  
  
“Man, she is full of beans this morning!” Kris said from the living room when he finally came in. Fifi raced past him and started doing laps around the apartment, thankfully opting to skip the kitchen on her route. “I tried to pet her and she kept running away from me…look at her go!”  
  
Adam stopped whisking the pancake batter and watched her for a minute. “Must be feeling the fresh Spring air.”  
  
“I guess,” said Kris. “Oooh, you’re making pancakes, too! With real eggs?”  
  
“Yes, with real eggs,” Adam said, grinning at his silly man as he started whisking again. “We’ve been so good, one day of full on cholesterol won’t change our tux sizes.” They’d just been fitted last weekend, and the tailor had been clear that he’d prefer not to have to make any adjustments between now and the wedding.  
  
Kris waited until the Fifi traffic cleared before going into the kitchen, where, much to Adam’s delight, he continued his theme of thanking via physical affection. This time Kris embraced Adam from behind and went for his neck, laying down tiny smooches and nibbling up and down it, the whisk moving slower and slower as Adam closed his eyes to enjoy the sensations. Between recording albums, working, planning a wedding, trying to have a social life and volunteering (in Adam’s case), it really had been ages since they’d had the luxury of doing whatever they wanted for an entire day, and so they were reveling in it.  
  
“Feels so nice,” Adam sighed, and they continued necking until a monstrous growl sounded from Kris’ stomach. Laughing, Adam gave him a kiss and returned to the pancakes. “Banana or blueberry?” he asked, although he was pretty sure of the answer.  
  
“Banana, always,” said Kris as he started scanning the seating chart that lay on the table. They’d been working on it for weeks, but still couldn’t figure out where to put Alex, Adam’s boss at Sew Your Soul. Adam had invited him as a courtesy, but was stunned when he’d accepted. “What if we sit him at Tommy’s table? At least he’d know someone.”  
  
“We already ditched that idea, remember? The man has zero social skills. I may have changed, but he hasn’t at all. Imagine him grouped with a bunch of outgoing young adults? It’d be totally awkward. Plus Tommy won’t even be sitting at the table for most of the reception.”  
  
“Oh yeah. Seems like we’ve tried every possible combination, I just don’t know where--”  
  
“Hey, what was that?”  
  
“What?”  
  
Adam stood stock still for a moment. And then they both heard it, an awful retching sound that could only be coming from Fifi. “She must’ve gotten into something,” Adam said as he put everything down and went to check on her. “Go see if you can find anything out back.”  
  
Kris nodded.  
  
“Fifi? You okay girl?” Adam called, walking towards the bedroom. “Fifi…oh my god Fifi!” And there she was, lying on the bedroom floor, shaking and vomiting a dark brown substance. Chocolate, Adam could smell it. “Kris, get in here!”  
  
Kris came in holding up the gold, empty wrapper of a giant chocolate bar. “I found…” His face went pale when he saw their precious pet. “Shit! We’ve go to--”  
  
“Get her to the vet hospital,” Adam finished, “I’ll wrap her in some blankets. You get the car. Hurry!”  
  
They both dashed into motion, fully aware that too much chocolate could kill a tiny dog like Fifi.  
  
“Oh my poor, sweet….it’s gonna be okay, we’ll get you all fixed up, just hang in there,” Adam babbled as he took a blanket from the closet and gently picked up her trembling body. Her heart was absolutely racing, he could feel it through her thin skin as he laid her in the blanket and folded it around her. “Fifi,” Adam sniffled, “it’s gonna be alright.” Carefully, he carried her down the hall and through the living room, then grabbed his keys and wallet and went out the front.  
  
The car was waiting for them and Kris quickly opened the front passenger door. “I called the vet already, they’re expecting us.” He made sure their apartment door was locked and then tried to help Adam with his seatbelt.  
  
“Don’t worry about that, just go!”  
  
Kris sped out of the parking lot and they were on their way, both of them panic-stricken. Fifi continued to shake and convulse, but she’d stopping throwing up. Adam didn’t know if that was good or not. “How did a bar of chocolate get in our yard, Kris, how?”  
  
“I don’t know,” he said, wiping at his eyes.  
  
They were always so careful about what Fifi could access; they’d never leave anything dangerous lying around. It took fifteen minutes to reach the emergency vet hospital, and Fifi was looking worse with every second that passed. Kris let Adam off at the entrance and went to park the car.  
  
“Help!” Adam cried as he rushed inside, “My dog, I think she’s dying!”  
  
“Are you the one who called, about the Xolo who ate chocolate?” asked the receptionist.  
  
“Yes, yes, please help us!”  
  
While the woman was making a call to the back, Kris came in and stood next to Adam. They hovered over Fifi, who was starting to seize up. “Hurry!” they yelled at the woman.  
  
A vet suddenly burst through the swinging door with a small rolling stretcher. “Quick, put her down, easy…okay, there we go.” She pushed the stretcher into the back and the couple followed, not caring about protocol if there even was one.  
  
“Will she be okay?” Adam asked, clutching Kris’ hand.  
  
“I don’t know yet, please give us some room to work,” said the vet as she hooked Fifi up to an IV and a vitals monitor. “Is she allergic to any medications?”  
  
“Not that we know of,” Kris answered, pulling Adam back a few feet.  
  
“Any history of heart conditions, illnesses or surgeries?”  
  
“No, I mean, she was spayed but that’s it.”  
  
“Age?”  
  
“A year and a half.”  
  
“How much chocolate did she eat?”  
  
“I’m not sure,” said Kris. “I found this in the yard, but I don’t know how much was there when she got to it.” He looked at the wrapper. “It was dark chocolate.”  
  
“That’s worse, it’s got higher concentrations of theobromine per ounce. Extremely toxic for such a small dog,” she said as she laid out several syringes in rapid succession.  
  
 _Please don’t let her die, please god please._  Adam fought the urge to start crying, his heart aching for the little pup now being pumped with medicine. He stared at the monitor, watching the blips of her heart rate. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Suddenly it sped up even faster, and faster. And then…BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, the line went flat.  
  
“FIFI NO! NO!” Adam lunged for her, bumping aside a needle that the vet had been about to inject.  
  
“Get out of here,” she yelled, “both of you! We’re trying to help her but please, leave!” Someone started ushering them out, but Adam didn’t want to go. He saw a flurry of people in green scrubs converge around Fifi.  
  
“Is she still alive? What’s going on? I want to see! Fifi!”  
  
Kris was no less agitated and had tears streaming down his cheeks, but perhaps because of all his experience helping Adam through difficult episodes, he was able to be the voice of reason. “They’re doing everything they can, but we’re in the way. Adam, come on, look at me, hey…” He took Adam’s face in his hands. “They need to concentrate so they can save her.”  
  
“Okay,” Adam sobbed, and let Kris pull him into the lobby to wait. Once seated, he crumpled into Kris’ arms and started rocking. “Please let them save her, please, please, please.” To Adam in particular, Fifi was more than a pet. He’d gone to her for comfort in the days when he was battling his demons on a daily basis. She was a source of joy when he’d been rowing through a seemingly endless ocean of sadness. She’d been on his doorstep when Kris finally moved in with him, a symbol of the end of his loneliness forever. And over the last year, she’d grown to be part of his family. He couldn’t lose her, he couldn’t. Kris stroked his hair as he rocked, and they sat that way for what felt like an eternity.  
  
The other people in the lobby cast sympathetic glances at them once in a while, no doubt thankful that their own pet wasn’t in such dire straights. The receptionist carried on taking phone calls and greeting newcomers. A dog barked. Adam’s lips kept moving, repeating his hushed prayer: “Let them save her, let them save her.”  
  
Finally, Kris spoke. “If she was dead they’d have told us by now,” he said, pressing a kiss to Adam’s temple. “She’s alive, I know she is.”  
  
Adam didn’t respond, but in his mind, he began to truly pray.  _Universe, stars above, forces of this world, please let me keep Fifi. I have worked harder than I thought was possible to overcome my past, to learn to love myself, to banish insecurities, to be a good friend and lover, to trust people, to spend all day at the beach without fear, to help others in need. I know I’m not perfect. I still mess up a lot and I still struggle, but I’ve worked so…damn…hard. And I’ve carried so much pain in my life already. Please. Don’t take her away from me. Not now, not like this. Please. Please. Please._  
  
“Please,” he said out loud, and then he felt a shift in his psyche, as if that old well of sadness, the vast ocean that he’d managed to dwindle down to a lake, started to expand again. “No,” he whispered, shivering, “I can’t go back there…I can’t.”  
  
“Adam.”  
  
“Can’t go back…”  
  
Kris shook his shoulder. “Look, she’s coming out to talk to us…Adam, look.”  
  
Adam leapt up from the chair so fast that he knocked Kris in the face with his elbow. He stared at the vet’s nametag (Dr. Stempler, it read), unable to look her in the eyes, his hands clenched at his sides. “Is she…is she…”  
  
“Alive, yes, but not out of the woods.” Dr. Stempler suddenly noticed how everyone, including the receptionist, was trying not to eavesdrop. “Uh, let’s discuss this privately.”  
  
Looking wrecked and yet a little hopeful, Adam and Kris followed her into a small room off the lobby. She closed the door and leaned against an exam table. “We were able to restart her heart and stop the seizures, but her pulse and blood pressure are still way too high. If we take her off the meds she’ll start convulsing and go into cardiac arrest immediately.”  
  
Adam did his best to keep it together, waiting to hear something good, anything. He wrung his hands until they hurt, and Kris asked the question he couldn’t seem to get out.  
  
“Will she make it?”  
  
“I really can’t say at this point,” said Dr. Stempler. “The good news is that she’s young, which increases her odds of survival, but…she’ll have to stay here so we can continue to medicate and monitor her. The next several hours will be critical.” She took a deep breath then, and her demeanor changed. She offered an understanding smile to both of them. “I’m sorry, I know how hard this is, believe me I do.”  
  
“It was an accident,” said Adam shakily. The other two looked at him. “The chocolate,” he explained. “We didn’t give it to her…don’t know how it got in our yard.”  
  
“I have no doubt,” said the vet, and she sounded sincere. “If you’d like, I’ll allow you to see her briefly, but--”  
  
“Yes,” the couple said in unison.  
  
“But, you have got to reign it in,” she went on, looking directly at Adam. “You need to stay as calm as possible and do not get in the way.”  
  
“I promise,” said Adam, and Kris nodded his agreement.  
  
“Alright, you can have a few minutes.”  
  
As soon as Adam saw her, his heart broke all over again. Unconscious, an IV needle in one end and a catheter in another, her tiny chest rising and falling at an alarming rate, it seemed that this couldn’t be his beloved Fifi. Only yesterday she’d been playing with her favorite hamburger toy as if life couldn’t get any better.  
  
 _It’s not fair._  
  
“She’s alive,” said Kris, swallowing hard, “we have to focus on that.”  
  
After a few minutes, Dr. Stempler insisted that they stop torturing themselves. “I suggest you get some food and try to rest. We’ll keep you informed.” She shooed them back into the lobby. “There’s a café right next door.”  
  
“No way,” said Adam when she was gone. “I am not stepping foot out of this hospital.” Kris didn’t want to leave either, but they couldn’t deny that their hunger was so intense at this point that they were almost nauseous. Neither had eaten since last night, and it was going on two o’clock. Adam saw a vending machine, but one glimpse at all the candy bars inside and he instantly rejected the idea.  _I’ll never eat chocolate again._  
  
“We’ll have to call someone,” said Kris. “It’s Saturday, Ali at least should be available.”  
  
“Or my mom.”  
  
They started making calls, but no one picked up. In the end they left messages for Alisan, Matt, Tommy, Megan, Leila and Sutan, their wedding planner, who had also become a trusted friend and could be counted on to bring calm reassurance to any situation.  
  
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt,” said the receptionist when they were done on the phone, “but I need to check you in…make sure you and Fifi are in our system.”  
  
“She should be already,” said Adam, walking up to the front desk. “We brought her here a few months back when she got stung by a bee.”  
  
“Full name?”  
  
Adam’s bottom lip started wobbling again as he said, “Fifi Allen-Lambert. It’s hy-hy-hyphenated…Allen…hyphen…L-lambert.” He felt Kris’ presence and was once again guided back to a chair and embraced.  
  
***  
  
An hour later, there was a picnic going on in the lobby. Every single person they’d called had shown up with comfort food and support. Because they all knew each other very well by now, Adam and Kris were treated to their favorites instead of burgers and fries, and since everyone had brought something, there was enough to go around. The hospital staff even shook out a clean sheet for the group to sit on.  
  
As he knocked back a green smoothie a la Whole Foods and munched on a large quinoa salad, Adam was reminded for the millionth time how lucky he was to have such good friends.  _And an amazing mom to boot._  Despite all this, the overall mood was very somber, and Adam ate because he had to, not because he wanted to.  
  
Matt reached across the circle and patted him gently on the arm. “She’s young, she’ll pull through.”  
  
Adam nodded a robot’s nod, so distraught that he forgot to congratulate himself for so easily accepting Matt’s physical contact. He laid his head on his mother’s shoulder and wept inside. It’d been fifteen minutes since Dr. Stempler’s most recent update of “no change.”  
  
“I just can’t figure it out,” said Kris for the tenth time, studying the gold wrapper. He was still obsessing over how the chocolate came to be in their yard. It gave him something to do; Adam understood.  
  
“Let me see that,” said Sutan. Kris handed it over. “Hmmm, this is the good stuff…can’t get it just any old place.” He dipped a pita chip into the hummus container and popped it into his mouth. When he was done crunching, he went on: “Honey, I’m thinking your litterbug has enough dough to shop at health food stores, or specialty outlets.”  
  
“If it’s so fancy, why would anyone throw it away like that?” Kris persisted. “And why not toss it into a garbage can? Why over the fence and into our yard?”  
  
No one had a good answer.  
  
Adam didn’t care how it got there. He just wanted Fifi to be better. He lifted his head from his mother’s shoulder, took another bite of salad, and out of habit, picked up a carton of Thai food and offered it to Tommy. “You want some more?” he asked. Even in this situation, he couldn’t stop himself from making sure his friend got enough to eat.  
  
Predictably, Tommy rolled his eyes, which was his way of telling Adam to stop treating him like a damsel in distress. “Nah, I’m stuffed. Thanks though.”  
  
After that, it got really quiet. All the words had been said; all the hugs had been given. The silence stretched…hung like a wet blanket on a clothesline.  
  
A mood lifter finally came in the form of Adam’s most cherished friend, Alisan. “Um, I know it’s not that important right now,” she began, biting her lip, “but does anyone want to see a picture of the shoes I bought for the wedding?”  
  
In spite of himself, Adam smiled a little. “Yeah, I wanna see.”  
  
“Me too,” said Kris.  
  
Alisan let go of Matt’s hand, scooted over and took her phone out of her purse to show them.  
  
“Wow, you weren’t kidding about red,” said Kris. “Nice.”  
  
“They’re beautiful, Ali, and…hey they’ve got bow ties on them,” said Adam, smiling a little more.  
  
“Absolutely. I am your best man, after all. Need to set a good example of how to do a themed wedding properly.”  
  
Sutan cleared his throat.  
  
“Ahhh, yes,” she said, chuckling softly. “Your brilliant wedding planner found them for me.”  
  
The brilliant wedding planner inclined his head. “And speaking of me, which I highly recommend by the way, I think I’ve finally figured out what to do with your boss,” he said, looking at Adam.  
  
“Really?”  
  
When Sutan told him, Adam actually smacked himself on the forehead. “Why didn’t I think of that?”  
  
“You’re a genius!” said Kris. “Now we can finish the seating chart.”  
  
Slowly and tactfully, Sutan began to conduct a planning session right there on the lobby floor. And because everyone needed something to think about besides poor Fifi, they all joined in. It wasn’t a joyous time. No one laughed or smiled too wide, but the distraction helped Adam keep his head above water.  _There’s nothing I can do for her but wait._  He tried not to picture her frail body on the brink of death, and only managed it because Kris never left his side, making sure they were always touching somehow. For the first time in a long time, Adam stroked his angel bracelet for comfort.  
  
***  
  
“I’m sorry, but peacocks just aren’t going to work.”  
  
Kris watched his fiancé’s already sad face become sadder, and it broke his heart. He didn’t care about peacocks, but he wanted them for Adam.  
  
“We’ve been through this,” Sutan continued, “They’re loud and unpredictable. Trust me, in all the years I’ve been planning weddings, it’s only ever worked out once because the peacocks were silenced.”  
  
Adam looked hopeful for a moment. “Silenced?”  
  
“It’s a surgical procedure where they--”  
  
“No,” Adam gasped. “I’d never…it’s too cruel. But, the invitations have peacocks on them and…” He looked at Kris, and those beautiful blue eyes implored him to do something, anything.  
  
Sutan grumbled in the background, still, Kris was sure, upset that they’d sent out invitations before settling this issue.  
  
“What if we have fake peacocks?” Kris suggested, squeezing Adam’s hand. “Like statues or…I don’t know,” he finished, feeling lame and unhelpful.  
  
But suddenly Leila perked up and graced them all with a small but lovely smile. “Kris, that’s a wonderful idea. I can see it now…” She turned to her son. “Adam, just imagine it, a row of elegant, sparkling peacock statues…”  
  
“Sparkling?”  
  
“…maybe two marking the entrance, one by the cake table. Yes, sparkling,” she said, brushing her thumb across Adam’s cheek. “I’m thinking glass and gemstones. Imagine how they’d sparkle in the sun.”  
  
Adam closed his eyes, and Kris knew that he was picturing it in his mind, and knew that the picture was pleasing by the way the corners of his mouth turned up a little.  _God bless you, Leila._  
  
“Okay,” said Adam after opening his eyes, “yeah I like it.”  
  
Leila gave Sutan her we-are-going-to-make-this-happen expression, and he shook his head fondly at her. The two were a good team. Since Adam’s parents were footing the bill for the whole shebang and Leila was already quite skilled at organizing events, she and Sutan worked closely together. “It’s a perfect solution,” said Sutan, pressing his fingertips together. “I’ll get started on it tomorrow.”  
  
“Thank you,” Adam said to his mother, Sutan and Kris. And because he was special, Kris got a special thank you kiss on the lips.  
  
 _One crisis averted._  Kris tried not to think about the other crisis that was going on right now. He might burst into tears if he did, and he was doing his best to stay strong for Adam.  
  
Alisan, Matt, Megan and Tommy, who’d all watched the discussion silently, began to liven up again.  
  
“So does that mean I need to change my set to make it more…sparkly?” Tommy asked. Megan punched him in the arm. “Ow, hey, I was being serious. Did you get a chance to look at my set list yet?” he asked Adam. “You think it’s okay?”  
  
Tommy had eventually agreed to leave his former band and accompany Adam at the club, but that had only lasted for about a month. Once free of the abusive dipshit, Russell, he’d started to gain more confidence in his abilities, and decided to put his own band together. They’d gained initial recognition by performing at Adam’s club, but became popular very quickly.  
  
The couple had hired Tommy and The Creepers to play at their reception, with the condition that there would be back up music during dinner so that Tommy could enjoy the meal. Adam had insisted on it. Kris didn’t know why Adam was always worried about how much food Tommy ate, and every time he asked, Adam just said, “he’s so tiny and I don’t want him to starve.”  
  
“Yeah, Kris and I went over it last week,” said Adam. “It’s good. I didn’t expect a metal band to know so many classics.”  
  
Tommy shrugged. “All of us have done different types of gigs in the past, to get exposure, to practice…we can handle just about anything.” Kris wasn’t fooled at his nonchalance. He knew Tommy was damn proud of his band.  
  
“Alright,” said Sutan, “let’s move on to the best men. Matt, I think…”  
  
“Excuse me,” someone said, but the group was so focused that they didn’t hear.  
  
“Excuse me, Adam? Kris?”  
  
They turned around and saw Dr. Stempler smiling at them. “There’s someone who’d like to see you,” she said.  
  
Adam and Kris shot up from the floor, knocking over the last remnants of the picnic. They stared at her, eyes expectant and hopeful, until she nodded and said, “Your Fifi is quite a fighter.”  
  
“Oh my god,” Adam whispered, his voice trembling with relief, and Kris finally let down the wall he’d been holding up all afternoon. Tears flowed as congratulatory hugs rained down to soothe their brittle spirits. Then Dr. Stempler was guiding them into the back, Kris wiping his nose on his sleeve, Adam murmuring “thank you, universe, thank you, forces of the world, thank you, stars above.”  
  
Fifi was in the exact same position that they’d seen her last and was still hooked up to the IV and catheter, but she was conscious and breathing normally. As soon as she saw them, her tail began to wag. Kris and Adam rushed to her side and bent down close. She stuck out her tiny tongue and tried to lick their faces, but it seemed she couldn’t move her head.  
  
“She’s still heavily sedated,” said the vet, “and it’ll be a while before we can let you take her home.” Dr. Stempler started to go into detail about the treatments they’d done so far. Kris straightened up and listened closely, knowing that Adam was too emotional to do so. Activated charcoal, anti-seizure medicine, sedatives, heart meds, fluids…the list seemed to go on forever. Kris tried to remember it all.  
  
“What now?” he asked.  
  
“She’ll have to stay here overnight so we can wean her off the sedatives and monitor her. Depending on how she does tomorrow, she might be ready for discharge by the end of the day. When she does go home, you’ll have to watch her very carefully. Theobromine can potentially be reabsorbed across the bladder, so you need to encourage her to drink a lot and take her on lots of walks to keep it empty. But slow and short walks so you don’t overtax her. Don’t worry,” she said when she saw Kris concentrating hard, “I’ll give you detailed written instructions.”  
  
“Thanks,” he said, grateful, and returned his attention to Adam, who had laid his head down next to Fifi’s. Their foreheads were touching, and Kris thought it was one of the most precious things he’d ever seen.  _He’s going to make the most amazing dad ever._  Kris teared up again, only this time it was out of love and deep devotion.  
  
Since last summer, Kris had been exploring the miracle of unconditional love, and had discovered that the more he loved Adam, the more he understood the concept of service. To truly be of service to someone, to be strong when it’s needed, or even just to fold laundry when it needs folding, to do these things out of love and not out of people pleasing for fear of rejection…this was a priceless gift.  
  
“Adam, baby, Dr. Stempler says that we need to let Fifi rest. She has to stay here tonight.”  
  
“Then I’m staying, too.”  
  
Kris looked at the vet, who smiled reassuringly. “We’re open twenty-four seven, so feel free to camp out in the lobby. I’ll see what I can do about finding you some blankets.”  
  
It was an extremely long night. After prying Adam away from Fifi, Kris went home to gather up some creature comforts, leaving Adam with friends and his mother for company. By eight o’clock, the lobby had emptied out, and by ten, Adam and Kris were cuddled up in some blankets, watching a movie on Kris’ laptop.  
  
“Thank you, angel.”  
  
Kris paused the movie and turned to face his lover. “How ‘bout a real thank you,” he said softly, and pulled Adam in for a tender kiss. They relaxed into the familiar comfort of each other’s lips, gently pressing and tasting, until Adam let out a long yawn and snuggled back into Kris’ arms.  
  
***  
  
The sun came up over the horizon on Sunday morning, greeting the day with its golden face and tangerine aura. As it rose, it sent down minion rays to bounce off ocean molecules and cars alike. In one such car there was a lady trying to adjust the visor just right so that the sun wouldn’t blind her. By the time she managed it, however, she was at her destination, the West Hollywood TLC Animal Hospital. She parked, took a cat carrier from the back seat and walked inside.  
  
What she saw when she entered the lobby was so unexpected, that for a moment she forgot about her poor cat’s broken leg. In the corner, two men were fast asleep in a pile of blankets, the taller one spooning the shorter one, right there on the lobby floor. An empty pizza box and several other food cartons lay near them, and the shorter man was holding a duffle bag to his chest. She stared at them, her curiosity piqued to bursting, until the receptionist spoke.  
  
“May I help you?”  
  
The woman was so startled that she jostled her cat carrier, and the animal inside made a long, loud, howling sound.  
  
***  
  
Adam awoke to the most horrifying noise he had ever heard in his life. Ever. His first, sleep-hazed thought was that someone was hurting a baby.  _There’s a baby screaming in my bedroom! I have to help it!_  Adam bolted upright, his eyes flashing in panic, only to see a middle-aged woman holding a cat carrier. “Wha?” His brain worked furiously to put it all together.  _Not a baby. That was a cat. Why is there a cat in my bedroom? Oh wait…_  Adam rubbed his eyes as his heart rate slowed down.  
  
“Most godawful thing I’ve ever heard,” said Kris, who was also sitting up and looking like he’d been hit in the head with a frying pan.  
  
“Understatement,” Adam grumbled, but then his brain finally caught up. “Fifi! I want to see her.” He’d been to see her twice during the night (standing off to the side so as not to wake her), but was hoping that this time she’d be off the IV. “Kris, let’s wash up in the lobby bathroom and then we can…angel? What are you doing?”  
  
Kris was staring at the inside of the chocolate wrapper. His eyes were scary wide.  
  
“You’re freaking me out,” said Adam. “What’s going on?”  
  
And then Kris showed him. Written on the silver lining of the wrapper were the words: FAGGOT SCUM. Instantly, Adam was transported back in time, not to the beach where he’d been tortured all those years ago, but to Sew Your Soul, to the time when someone had thrown a brick through the window at him. Die you faggot scum. That’s what had been written on the brick. The police never found the perpetrator; the license plate number had led them back to a stolen car.  
  
“It’s the same person, I know it is,” he whispered, more to himself than to Kris.  
  
“What?”  
  
“The guy who threw a brick at me last year. Same person, I’m sure of it.” He took the wrapper from Kris. “How is it that we didn’t notice this before?”  
  
Kris looked like he was still putting two and two together, and his response was mumbled and monotone. “The sun was glaring off the wrapper when I found it so I didn’t see…and then I heard you calling for me and I folded it and came running. And I didn’t…no one did…no one unfolded it this whole time. I don’t know what made me do it just now. Adam…don’t you see what this means?” he said, his voice becoming stronger and his eyes even wider. He took Adam by the shoulders. “Someone tried to hurt you with the brick, and maybe that same person tried to poison Fifi. It wasn’t an accident. Someone is messing with you, trying to--”  
  
Rage. It exploded like a nuclear bomb, a heat so intense that Adam’s whole body began to shake with it. His vision was white lightening, his brain numb with fury. Someone had tried to kill his Fifi. Someone was going to die.  
  
Adam got up and walked toward the front doors.  
  
“Where are you going?” Kris called to him.  
  
“Gym,” he barked, so loudly that the cat lady jumped in her seat. “Back later.” He ran all the way there, in boots and jeans. He went in, swiped his gym card, stripped down to his boxer briefs and attacked the punching bag so ferociously that his knuckles were raw in less than five minutes. Nothing existed besides the pop and hiss of his brain blowing fuses like firecrackers, and then static. A grainy whiteout.  
  
People stared. Men got hard watching him. Staff members weren’t concerned. They’d seen him do this plenty of times, although not as frequently over the last four months, and certainly never in his underwear.  
  
Adam saw none of them. He continued to destroy his knuckles until the static started to shift and sway like ocean waves, a sound he’d conditioned himself to relax to. The power of thought returned to him.  _Motherfucker! When I find out, not if, but when I find out who did this…_  It was one thing to try to hurt him, but to hurt someone he loved…  _Fucker will wish he’d never been born._  Ten more punches. The sounds of the gym registered in his brain: voices, the clanking of weights and the steady rhythm of feet on the treadmills. Five more punches. Pain flared into his hands, making him wince and slow down. Two more, and then he stopped and hugged the punching bag, trying to catch his breath. Self-awareness kicked in.  _I’m in my underwear, in public._  
  
To his surprise, he found that he didn’t really give a fuck, and for the first time ever, he decided to shower at the gym. He picked up his boots and clothes and headed for the locker room. Several pairs of eyes followed him and he felt their heat, but he didn’t really give a fuck about that either. Anyone who tried to get in his face was going to end up in a world of pain.  
  
And sure enough, someone did try, albeit briefly.  
  
Unlike most gyms where men have to shower in an open bay, Adam belonged to one that had a few private stalls. He stepped in, closed the curtain and turned the shower on full blast, still wearing his boxer briefs. Although the cool water made his knuckles sting, it was also relaxing and helped to clear his head even more.  _Okay fine. I’m not really going to kill anyone, but I will find a way to have whoever did this arrested for animal cruelty. I might also knock his teeth out._  He took off his underwear and washed those, too.  
  
Suddenly and without warning, he felt…normal.  _I’m naked, in a men’s locker room, and there’s other naked men in here. And I’m okay._  He went digging in his mind for the scathing, critical voice that had taunted him for so long, but it was difficult to find.  _Hey! Hear what I said? I said I’m okay…I’m normal!_  Adam waited, listening hard. The voice finally spoke up, but all it said was  _yes, I heard you. Congratulations, Lambert. Now leave me the fuck alone. I was sleeping._  
  
Adam beamed.  
  
“That is one gorgeous smile.”  
  
The smile disappeared instantly, and was replaced by a menacing growl. “Back off or you’ll regret it,” he said to the burly man who’d just pulled open the shower curtain.  
  
The man put up his hands, but didn’t leave. “I know you can handle yourself, I saw you out there,” he said, leering and looking Adam up and down.  
  
Adam turned the shower off and faced the guy head on. He felt no fear. Not only were they in a very public place, but Adam was also one hundred percent confident that he could knock this asshole unconscious with one strike. “You will step out of my personal space,” he hissed, stabbing the man with a deadly glare. “Now.”  
  
“Jesus…I didn’t mean anything. Okay, look, I’m leaving!”  
  
“Not quick enough.”  
  
And then the guy did leave, and fast. Adam smiled again.  _Normal, and a bad ass._  True, his heart was racing, and kept on hammering hard as he walked, naked, to the blow driers, dried his underwear, got dressed and left the locker room. But part of that, he soon realized, was the thrill of success.  
  
***  
  
When Kris’ phone rang from his duffle bag, he was just coming out of the lobby bathroom and had to run and dive to answer it before he missed Adam’s call. Because he knew it was Adam calling.  
  
“Kris!”  
  
“Hey, baby, how was your workout?”  
  
“Amazing. Wait until I tell you what happened!”  
  
Kris listened to the story with his mouth half open, both stunned and ridiculously proud. He was used to Adam going for a run or going to the gym when angry, but this he hadn’t expected. “Oh my god! You totally--”  
  
“Kick ass! I know!”  
  
They would’ve squealed about it for a little longer, but there were other serious matters to attend to. “Listen,” said Adam, “I’m on my way back to the hospital now. Have you seen Fifi?”  
  
“No, I was waiting for you.”  
  
“Thank you, angel, I can’t wait to see her.” There was a pause and then, “Kris, we have to find out who did this.”  
  
“Absolutely. When we get home we can scour the yard for more clues.” His voice was more composed than he felt inside. Someone had deliberately poisoned Fifi, most likely the same person who had thrown the brick at Adam last year. That implied forethought and planning, but also a hint of spontaneous recklessness. It was a dangerous combination, and Kris was scared. If something bad happened to Adam, if he were killed…  _No, stop thinking about that. You’re going to get married and it will be beautiful and nothing bad is going to happen._  Kris shuddered.  
  
“Okay,” said Adam, “I’m gonna pick us up some breakfast and then I’ll be back.”  
  
They said I love you and hung up. Kris returned to their makeshift bed in the corner and folded the blankets, then took his duffle bag out to the car and threw away all their garbage. He tried to keep busy, but he couldn’t stop his brain from obsessing.  _Who would want to hurt Adam? Sam is dead and all of his other enemies are in prison. There’s no one else, is there?_  No one came to mind.  
  
By the time Adam came back with breakfast burritos, Kris was in a bit of a panic.  _What if that person is planning something right now?_  Feeling this helpless reminded him of the time they were in a car crash, when Adam had been unresponsive after blacking out. He sat in the lobby chair repeatedly folding and unfolding the chocolate bar wrapper, but plastered what he hoped was a convincing smile on his face when his fiancé walked in.  
  
Naturally, Adam didn’t buy it. He put down the carry out bag and drew Kris to him. “Hey now, what’s all this about? Worried that there’s a maniac out to get me?”  
  
Kris nodded against Adam’s chest.  
  
“I’ve been thinking about that, too.” He sat them down, his demeanor much calmer than Kris had expected, given his history. “If someone really wanted me dead, they’d have done it by now. It’s been, what, a year since the brick incident? And going after Fifi? I think this person is just trying to mess with me, like you said earlier.”  
  
“I didn’t think you heard me,” said Kris, trying like mad to contain his freakout. When he’d thought the brick throwing thing had been the isolated act of a homophobe, and the Fifi thing an accident, he’d been able to handle it. But now they were connected events, done with purpose, and that really, really unnerved him.  
  
“I heard you,” said Adam. “And I know it’s weird that I’m not scared, but I’m not. I’m angry.”  
  
Kris looked into his eyes and saw it, the layer of icy cold rage in the background, narrating a scene of intense determination, loyalty and love. He got lost in the swirls of blue, let them caress his fear into anger, and that felt better by far. “We’ll find the bastard.”  
  
“Yes we will. But first, let’s eat breakfast and then go see our little girl.”  
  
Now that they knew Fifi was going to survive, and now that they were angry, their energy made a huge shift from desperate to fiercely optimistic. Fifi was still on the IV, but she had been placed in a recovery kennel on the left side of the treatment area. When she saw her owners approaching, she did her very best to greet them with enthusiasm by wagging her tail, whining and even attempting to stand up.  
  
Adam and Kris were beside themselves with relief to see her moving around. They put their noses to the cage door so Fifi could kiss them, praised her for being so brave and promised her that they would find the culprit. The way Adam cooed at her was so sweet that once again, Kris couldn’t help but imagine him as a father.  _Don’t get ahead of yourself now. Wedding first._  
  
When Fifi yipped a happy bark, Dr. Stempler came over and said, “Please be careful, I don’t want her to get too excited. She still needs a lot of rest.”  
  
“Sorry,” they both said immediately, and gave Fifi a last smooch before leaving her.  
  
“What are the chances that she can be discharged today?” Adam asked.  
  
“Fair,” said Dr. Stempler. “I’d like her to rest for most of the day and see how she tolerates food.” She looked as if she wanted to tell them to go home, and there was an uncomfortable silence until Kris helped things along.  
  
“Don’t you need to be at the studio this afternoon?” he asked Adam.  
  
Adam frowned. “Yes, but…”  
  
“Fifi will be fine, I promise,” said Dr. Stempler, jumping on her opportunity. “She’s under the best possible care here, and we’ll keep you posted on her progress.”  
  
Adam looked dubious until Kris reminded him of their plan to search the yard for signs of foul play. Then the sharpness returned to his eyes and he agreed to go.  
  
“Alright, but I’ll be calling every hour to get an update.”  
  
Kris smiled at him, loving his devotion even if it was over the top at times. He remembered all too well feeling smothered by it when his leg was broken. “Come on, you said that you wanted to call the police. Let’s do that and we can meet them at home.” Adam blew Fifi another kiss before Kris managed to get him moving.  
  
As he drove them back to the apartment, he listened to Adam rant about “crazy dog killers” and “stupid people who throw bricks,” agreeing and nodding at the appropriate times, forcing himself to stay with the anger.  _Adam’s not afraid, so stop being a wuss._  He puffed out his chest until he could feel his wild child pendant pressing hot against his skin.  
  
After spending a few minutes with police, however, Kris had no problem matching Adam’s fury.  
  
“Of course it’s a big deal,” he said, almost yelling. “Someone deliberately tried to poison our dog!”  
  
“You can’t prove that,” said the officer. “It could easily have been an accident.”  
  
“Did you not see what was written on the wrapper? It wasn’t an accident!” Adam fumed. “You could take fingerprints, you could look at the crime scene!”  
  
“Crime scene? Are you guys for real? Look, I’ve got actual crimes to deal with. I’m not gonna call someone out here to dust a candy bar wrapper for fingerprints, especially not one you’ve obviously been handling all day. This is a complete waste of my time.” He rolled his eyes and started heading back to his cruiser.  
  
“You’re leaving?” said Adam, outraged. “You’re not even going to take a report?”  
  
The officer laughed. “Of what? Some guy threw a brick at you last year and you think the same guy poisoned your dog but you have no idea who he is. What’s there to report?”  
  
“What if we find out who it is?” asked Kris.  
  
“Then by all means call your friendly neighborhood officer,” the guy said with sarcasm before driving off.  
  
Adam gritted his teeth. “Come on, we’ll do it ourselves!” He stomped into the apartment, Kris right behind him, and they went into the back yard, looking for anything helpful.  
  
“I shouldn’t have been playing with the wrapper all that time,” said Kris, mentally kicking himself.  
  
“It’s not your fault. All of us thought it was an accident. Fuck! There’s nothing here. Let’s try the outside of the fence and the sidewalk.”  
  
And so they did, and again found nothing out of place.  
  
“Goddammit!” Adam growled, kicking a nearby lamppost. Something small fell and hit him on the head.  
  
“What was that?”  
  
“Dunno.” Adam bent down and picked it up. “Just a broken bit of plastic. It must’ve…” He glanced up at the lamppost and let out a gasp. “Oh my god, Kris! Look!”  
  
Kris looked. “A security camera!”  
  
And that’s how they discovered the culprit, which eventually led to an event so profound that it would change both Adam and Kris forever.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Once they found the camera, they contacted Mrs. Stebbins, their landlord. She explained that she’d had the cameras installed after an outbreak of vandalism a few years ago. Although she sympathized with Adam and Kris, she wasn’t willing to give them access to the security feed without police authority. And so they did indeed have to call their friendly neighborhood officer, but hoped they would get a different guy this time. No such luck.

He did, however, have the good sense to look ashamed when he arrived at the landlord’s office. “Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat, “I should’ve checked for a camera.”

“Yes, you should’ve,” said Mrs. Stebbins, frowning at him. “Now, Adam, you said it was around noon yesterday when Fifi got sick?”

“That’s right,” said Adam, casting a smug glance at officer friendly.

“Okay, let’s start there and go backwards.”

Friendly, Adam and Kris all craned their necks, watching the monitor intently. They saw nothing but the empty sidewalk and the fence until around nine o’clock.

“There!” said Kris, pointing. “I see…holy shit!”

Adam’s mouth fell open.

“Do you recognize this person?” Friendly asked.

Kris was stunned, rooted-to-the-floor shocked. There on the screen was a man, checking to see that the coast was clear before tossing a loosely wrapped chocolate bar over the fence and into their yard. The man was a person Kris knew intimately, someone who had caused him so much heartbreak and pain that it still hurt him to think about it. It was Ethan.

“I don’t believe it!” Kris turned to Adam, whose face was also wide with surprise. 

Friendly took out a notepad and started writing. “Who is this guy? How do you know him?”

“He’s my ex, Ethan Sheppard,” said Kris, rubbing his temples and trying to figure it all out. “We went out a long time ago.”

“It doesn’t make any sense,” said Adam. “Why would he want to hurt Fifi? And why would he call me a faggot…he’s gay!”

“What evidence do you have to prove that he threw the brick?” Friendly asked. “You could get him on destruction of property and attempted assault…plus the animal cruelty charge.”

“Only that the messages were similar,” said Adam, sitting down in a chair Mrs. Stebbins offered him. “But other than that, nothing. No cameras near Sew Your Soul, we checked. And the license plate was a dead end. Stolen car.” He ran his fingers through his hair, looking exactly like Kris felt. Mystified.

Whatever Ethan was, Kris had never thought him to be violent or a psycho. _Maybe he’s trying to get back at me for punching him. But why hurt Adam and Fifi? Why not go after me directly?_

“He probably called you…that name…to throw you off,” said Friendly, “to make you think it wasn’t him. Okay, I’m going to need more information about this guy. Address if you have one.”

“I can give you his last address,” said Kris, “but he left that place, moved to Oregon. And then I saw him last year but I have no idea where he lives now.” The officer took down the address, and then wanted to know what happened last year. When Kris told him, he said that the punch was probable motive, but Kris was sure there was more to it than that.

Friendly talked with Mrs. Stebbins about getting a copy of the security tape, then finished his report and said the police would try to track Ethan down. “No guarantees, though, and it could take a long time. In the meantime, keep an eye out for him and call me with any new info. Here’s my card.”

And somehow, the act of taking that little rectangle of paper unleashed Kris’ wrath. Who the fuck cared why Ethan did it? Son of a bitch was going to pay! He even went to Ethan’s old apartment that afternoon and banged on the door for fifteen minutes, not even thinking that someone else might be living there now and might be home. Luckily, no one was, and Kris continued to yell at the top of his lungs: “How dare you try to hurt my lover! How dare you try to hurt our dog! What gives you the fucking right!? You have a problem with me, you come to me YOU LITTLE FUCKER YOU ASSHOLE SHITFACED BITCH I SHOULDA PUNCHED YOU FIFTY TIMES THAT NIGHT!!!” Kris pounded until his fists ached, then sat down hard on the ground, still irate. It felt good to be mad at Ethan. And not just briefly like the time he’d knocked him out in front of Sew Your Soul. This was years of anger, all balled up into a tightly packed weapon of mass destruction: Kris Allen, lover, singer, and newly minted bad ass.

***

While Kris was calling Ethan’s old door every name in the book, Adam was at the recording studio, arguing yet again with one of the RCA producers about a song called “Fever.” The label was already upset that his album release had to be pushed back by six months because of the wedding, and now they were refusing to play ball, claiming that the world wasn’t ready to hear anyone sing about gay sex.

Adam tried again. “It’s two thousand eleven! The world can handle it, the world would love it!” But no amount of persuasion seemed to be working that afternoon, and when Adam got home at four, he was thoroughly irritated and still angry about Ethan, even more so because Fifi was going to have to stay at the hospital another night. He found Kris in the kitchen, banging cabinet doors and swearing under his breath. There was something powerfully…male…about him in that moment, and Adam thought he’d never looked sexier.

 _Fucking hot._ Adam put all of his anger and lust into one, loud word. “Hi.”

Kris snapped his head around, narrowed his eyes at Adam and said it right back. “Hi.”

The heat between them rushed and swelled along with their cocks, and within seconds they were standing face to face in the living room. Adam gripped Kris by the shoulders, hard. “Wanna fuck?”

“Yes.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

It was rough and nasty. No foreplay, no lube. Just a wreckage of testosterone, spit and cum. They stripped at the end of the bed, eying each other like hungry wolves. Without warning, Adam picked Kris up and threw him onto the mattress face down, then mounted him and hissed, “Fight me.” He used one arm to hold himself up and wrapped the other around Kris’ neck. “Fight me,” he said again, and grunted when Kris bit the flesh of his forearm, making his cock leak as he forced it into Kris’ dry hole.

“Fuck!”

“Yesssss…struggle, little rabbit.”

Kris bit him again and fought, scratched freckled skin, slammed back onto cock over and over, his spine arching deeper as Adam’s arm tightened and pulled back, almost choking him. “Fuck…me,” he rasped, “…harder.”

The words sent Adam into a crazy, frantic, hip snapping, nail digging, neck biting frenzy. Again and again he marked his man, bending him backwards in half, his mind lost in animal passion. He had to come, he was going to come and he was almost fucking there, gnawing on Kris’ shoulder, breaking him…

“Fight!” Kris suddenly yelled, and those strong, compact muscles bunched, sprang like a tiger, and launched Adam backwards onto the bed.

Adam cursed and screamed at the loss of tightness around his cock. But Kris was on him, climbing him, pinning him, kissing him ruthlessly, and Adam clawed at his ass, made it spread, and impaled it on his aching cock. They fucked like wild things, spitting beasts, fighting for dominance until Adam had Kris on his back and had wrapped his own arms around him like a straight jacket. He humped, bit, licked, owned…came with his tongue down Kris’ throat, shuddering, claiming victory at last with a long, growling moan.

“Finish me off!” Kris hollered when Adam finally stopped molesting him with his tongue. “You wicked, fucking…”

“You love it, you fucking love it,” Adam grunted, but he spit on his hand and started pumping Kris’ dick anyway, sat back and gave his lover a vicious handjob that sent him into spasms. Adam watched, the way that Kris’ eyes squeezed shut before flying open at the end. He watched, waiting for the perfect moment to slither down and lick the cum from his hole.

Hours later, or so it felt (actually only five minutes), Adam finally had the energy to scoop Kris into his arms and snuggle. “Feel better?” he asked, kissing one of the many bite marks he’d made.

“Yeah,” Kris sighed. “Still pissed, but I don’t feel like I’m going to implode anymore.”

“Same here.”

“That was something else.”

“Goddamn right it was,” Adam said. “I guess we found a new outlet for rage.”

“Amen.”

As they lay there, exhausted but satisfied, Adam did a mental check. _Did I use him? I don’t think so, no more than he used me. It wasn’t like I was trying to regain control…more like, we both needed to get something out of our system. Plus I let him bite me._ Adam looked at his arm, at the marks and scratches, and felt fine about them. “I say we do it again sometime,” he told Kris, nibbling on his ear.

“I say fuck yeah.”

They spent another hour in bed, trying to make up for their lost day off together, and then decided to go out for dinner and visit Fifi before it got too late. Their sweet little pet would turn out to need a total of three nights in the hospital before she was fully recovered and ready to come home. Adam and Kris swore revenge on Ethan.

***

A month passed with no sign of the bastard, and with a few exceptions, life went back to normal, as normal as life can be for two recording artists about to get married. Fifi was her usual, happy self again, but she wasn’t allowed to be outside without supervision. Since Adam and Kris were so busy, this turned out to be quite a challenge until Mrs. Stebbins allowed them to completely redo the fence around the yard, at their own expense of course. Luckily they had both been given advances on their albums, so it wasn’t a problem, and soon Fifi was chasing squirrels behind an eight-foot fence with wire mesh extending another five feet. It looked completely absurd, but Adam wouldn’t settle for anything less, and promised Mrs. Stebbins that he would put everything back the way it was when he and Kris moved out.

In addition, chocolate in any form was banned from their apartment. Chocolate candy, cookies, baked goods, cocoa powder and even baking chocolate, all gone, and any friend or family member who forgot the rules was likely to be banned as well, at least temporarily. Adam vowed never to eat it again, even outside of the apartment. It almost cost Fifi her life, and every time he got near the stuff all he could smell was chocolate vomit. He got permission to replace their bedroom carpet just to get rid of the stench. 

But one good thing came from all the chocolate mayhem, and was, in Fifi’s opinion, even better than being spoiled with toys, clothes and treats: she got to participate in a new kind of class. Being such an intelligent dog, she loved to learn, and in the new class she learned how to walk up and down a long aisle with a small, fancy pillow on her back.

Adam and Kris picked her up after one such class in early May and took her on a very long car ride to a beach she’d never been to before. There were strange sights and smells, but her owners let her sniff everything until she got bored and wanted to chase seagulls.

“Think she’ll do alright?” asked Adam as he looked out over the ocean.

“She’ll do great,” said Kris. “And the handler will be with her the whole time so we won’t have to worry.”

“I’ll try not to,” Adam said. “It’ll be worth it to have her there.” He took a deep breath and smiled. “This really is the perfect spot, isn’t it?”

Kris took his hand. “It is.”

“Still sad that we’re not getting married in a state where it’s legal?”

“Nah,” said Kris. “I can’t imagine doing it anywhere but here. I’m content with a domestic partnership. It’s still a marriage to me, and it gives us the same rights.”

“Only in California,” said Adam.

“I know, but that just means I get to marry you again when California gets its act together.”

The couple gazed at each other with hearts in their eyes. Kris’ were also filled with pride. _Look at him, standing on a beach without a trace of fear or nervousness. God he’s amazing._

It was true. Around December of last year, the flood of new, good memories had finally drowned out the traumatic ones for good. Adam was even able to visit beaches at night with no problem. That’s when they’d decided to get married on one. Even so, Kris had asked Adam if he was sure he was okay with it about a hundred times since then. He was, in fact, just about to ask him again when Adam beat him to the punch.

“I’m okay with it,” said Adam with a knowing smile, making Kris laugh. “Stop asking or I’ll have to punish you for being a pesky rabbit.”

Kris grinned, his eyes sparkling, then sidled up to Adam and said, “promise?”

“I’d punish you right here if we weren’t being watched by the venue staff,” Adam murmured, biting his lip and squeezing Kris’ ass.

“Rain check?”

“Like you have to ask.”

They embraced passionately, stealing a moment from their busy lives to grace their wedding beach with its first Allen-Lambert kiss. The afternoon clouds drifted by, puffing out their round sails to make cotton ball boats that never touch the sea. “Ahoy lovers!” they seemed to say.

After five minutes, Fifi tugged on her leash and the lovers sighed. Time to get back to the real world. Adam was due at Lifeworks, a mentoring program at the Los Angeles LGBQT Center where he volunteered, and Kris had a meeting with Aware Records to discuss design ideas for his album artwork. They’d both had to cut back on their day job hours in order to fit everything in, but somehow they were managing. Kris thought that being head over heels in love had something to do with it.

On the way back home, the couple talked about centerpieces, peacock statues and finally, their song, the one they’d dance to for the fist time as an officially joined couple. After agreeing that it was the best wedding song ever, Adam played it on the car stereo. Both men had tears rolling down their cheeks by the end of it. They traveled in silence for a while then, enjoying the fact that they were comfortable with it and didn’t need to fill every second with chatter. When they were about twenty minutes from home, Kris felt ready to talk again.

“So remember how we said we’d go see Matt’s play next week?”

“Yep, and I know, we’re gonna be cutting it real close,” said Adam. “We’ll just have to keep it short this time.” 

Every week on Wednesday evening, Adam and Kris went to a quiet section of the Santa Monica beach around sunset and stayed until dark. They’d started this when Adam was learning how to handle being on the beach at night, but they continued to go even after he had conquered his fears and eventually it became a habit. It was a special time for them now, a break from the chaos of life where they could play a little, make out and make love as the sun went down. Sometimes they’d lay in the dark for hours, Adam pointing out constellations if the night was clear, and talking about his and Kris’ astrological signs.

“Yeah,” sighed Kris. He looked forward to those nights every week and wasn’t happy when they had to cancel them or keep them brief. _Matt will be so thrilled, though. It’s totally worth the sacrifice._ “Should we bring him something? I mean, he’s got the lead part, are we supposed to bring flowers or…I don’t know, he’s a guy so…what’s so funny?”

“You,” Adam laughed. “You are too cute.” Kris stuck his tongue out at him, but Adam just smiled and went on. “Yes, flowers are appropriate. A simple, contemporary bouquet of red, orange or yellow flowers is standard theater etiquette for male performers.”

For the thousandth time, Kris marveled at how he, a small town boy, had ended up with a sophisticated, cultured man like Adam. “You’ll help me pick out something to wear, right?”

“Of course I will. This is a big deal for Matt, so I’ll make sure we both look our best when we go out to support him. Not that you need much help in that department,” Adam said with a wink. “You always look hot to me.”

“Except for when I’m brushing my teeth.”

“Seriously, why is it necessary to choke yourself when you brush your tongue? Those noises…ugh.”

“You make noise when you do that, too,” said Kris, half smiling. They’d had this conversation so many times that it was funny now.

“Yeah but I don’t sound like cat coughing up a hairball.”

“No, you sound more like a woman trying to be all dainty about it.”

“Funny.”

“I thought so. Oh hey look! It’s that farmer’s food truck where they have those healthy burgers that actually taste good,” said Kris, pointing to the side of the road. “Think we have time to stop?”

Adam checked the clock on the car dashboard. “If we’re quick about it.”

They pulled over, parked and made a beeline for the farmer’s truck, weaving around Curbside Cravings and the Nom Nom Truck. Thankfully the line was very short, and they were soon on their way back to the car when something unexpected happened. A group of college guys spotted them and suddenly rushed over, bursting right into Adam’s personal bubble. The hair on the back of Kris’ neck stood up as he felt Adam tense. 

“You’re Adam Lambert!” one of them said. “Dude, I have to get your autograph. My girlfriend will kill me if I don’t!”

Adam stumbled backwards a few steps, but made a graceful enough recovery and slapped on a smile. Kris knew exactly what was going on in his lover’s mind. _He had a body-flash, but he knows he can handle it._ A body-flash was a term Adam had come up with to describe what happened when he had a physiological reaction to a trigger without a psychological one. In other words, his body was thrown for a momentary loop, but there was no flashback. Kris had every confidence in Adam, but was a little caught off guard anyway. This was the first time Adam had been approached outside of the club where he performed. Kris wasn’t totally surprised, however. His talented fiancé brought down the house every time, and his photo had started appearing in the media here and there, mostly alongside Ryan Seacrest’s, but it was obviously getting him noticed. _I’m about to marry a rock star._

When Adam was finished with the autographs, he whipped around and practically ran back to the car. Kris followed, not worried but still wanting to be supportive. “You okay?” he asked when they were safely inside.

“Fine, just…wow. I was not expecting…” Adam took a few steadying breaths, his hands still shaking. “Just need to get my heart to stop freaking out and then…damn! Can you believe that just happened?” He looked genuinely shocked.

“Yes, Mister I can sing every note in existence. It was only a matter of time.” Kris took Adam’ s trembling hands in his and kissed them. “Pretty soon you’ll need a bodyguard.”

Adam shook his head and laughed his please-don’t-let-go laugh. So Kris didn’t let go, and they sat there holding hands until Adam sighed and rolled his shoulders a few times. “I guess I’m gonna have to get used to that, huh?” 

“If you want to be famous,” said Kris. “But you'll get used to it because you’re awesome like that.”

“How do you always know--”

“What to say? Because I love you,” said Kris, and he put a finger to his lips, kissed it and then touched it to Adam’s mouth.

“Fuck,” Adam whined, “why do we have to be in a hurry right now?”

“Right?” chuckled Kris. “Come on, we’d better go. We’ll have plenty of time to make out on our honeymoon.”

When they got home, they barely had time to get Fifi settled before having to run out the door again. “See you tonight,” Kris told Adam with a swift kiss. “Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll just grab something while I’m out. See if you can get some of those RSVP cards sorted. I’ll help you when I get home.”

“Okay, drive safe,” Adam called as he trotted to his car.

“You, too!”

This was their life now, at least until after the wedding and after they were millionaires and could live in a mansion where Fifi could have a whole wing to herself if she wanted.

Kris went into his meeting wishing that he were at home with Adam instead, that they were snuggling and kissing like they had all the time in the world. He started imagining Adam’s lips on his, a warm hand caressing his chest and moving down, ever closer to his… 

“Ouch!” Kris looked down. “Oh, right. Stairs.” Laughing at himself, he climbed the rest of the steps to the second floor. He tried to focus during the meeting, but couldn’t help but think about Adam in the back of his mind. Somehow, he was going to make time for them tonight. Going through RSVPs could wait.

But Adam wasn’t sorting the cards into piles as expected. Kris came home to an empty living room and kitchen, and Fifi had been put in the utility closet. Curious, Kris set his things down and headed to their bedroom. He got to the doorway and stopped, choking on any words he’d been about to say. Adam was there all right, sitting on the edge of the bed with his pants open, working himself over with a lube-slicked hand in slow, steady strokes. His head was tilted back a little and his eyes were closed, no doubt imagining filthy things. Kris saw the headphones, too, and understood why Adam hadn’t heard him come in. And that was the end of thinking for Kris. 

He felt something warm trickle down his right leg and didn’t care, because Adam started biting his bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth, chewing on it as he jerked off. His teeth cut sharply, making the plump red flesh turn white. Kris groaned and licked his lips every time Adam bit his own. 

“Kris…angel,” Adam moaned, running his thumb over the head of his dick, back and forth. Then he tightened his fingers around the base and thrusted his hips ever so slightly. “Suck it all the way down, baby…oh god…”

More wetness, but this time precum, and Kris’ mouth began to water for that thick, magnificent cock. He’d get on his knees and suck it all the way down, just like Adam wanted. But he didn’t move into the bedroom; he couldn’t look away from the porn show, couldn’t do anything but stare as his own dick leapt and dribbled.

“Swallow me, that’s…yessss…just like that,” said Adam, stroking faster. He squeezed his eyes tightly and his breath started to hitch, his moans catching it, puffing it out in little bursts and whimpers. His lower lip disappeared into his mouth again as he suddenly let go of his cock and leaned back on both hands. It strained, glistening wet and rigid, Adam gripping the bedspread behind him. “Yes! Fucking…UH!” Cum pumped onto his stomach, his cock pulsing up and down as he quivered and bucked.

Kris was paralyzed with desire, his heart pounding so hard he thought it might give out. And when Adam finally opened his eyes and saw him standing there, he still didn’t move, just watched the sultry sway of hips, the seductive eyes coming towards him, pinning him as if he were tied to the bed.

“And what do we have here?” Adam whispered, trailing a finger up Kris’ painfully hard length.

That was all it took for him to come, the force of his orgasm almost bringing him to his knees. He fell back against the doorframe, breathless and dizzy, but Adam didn’t let him rest.

“I seem to remember,” said the wicked wolf as he crowded Kris, “that I owe you a punishment for being a pesky rabbit.”

“But…so much to do,” panted Kris, but not really meaning it. He was dying for Adam to take control, to dominate him completely, and knew that the more he resisted, the more aggressive Adam would be.

“Don’t care. Been thinking about you all day,” said Adam, roughly unbuttoning Kris’ fly. “About how I’m going to take you apart, make you come until you can’t see straight.”

Kris pressed his luck. “But the cards and--” Adam shoved him up against the door so hard that he gasped, winded. 

“I said no.”

_Oh god it’s gonna be a good night._

***

A few months ago Kris had said that he wanted to start experimenting with dildos and vibrators, and ever since then Adam had been collecting them. Tonight, he decided, would be the perfect opportunity to try out his newest purchase, a seven speed prostate massager. As he fastened the bondage cuffs around Kris’ wrists and ankles, he taunted his little rabbit, and every moan made Adam harder and hornier. This was definitely his favorite game.

“Maybe I’ll use the one that rotates,” he teased, “or the nine incher…mmmm, you loved that one, didn’t you?”

Kris pulled on his bonds and whined, prompting Adam to pounce on him. “Keep it up and I’ll make them even tighter,” he growled, twanging one of the bondage straps. Kris struggled again and Adam smirked, then adjusted the straps on the bedposts until Kris was stretched to his limit. All that naked deliciousness, all laid out for Adam to play with. “I have a new toy for you this time,” Adam said into his ear, loving the way he shuddered in response.

Adam continued to tease him, touching lightly here and there, and whispering naughty things until Kris was begging for the vibrator. He took the new toy out of its box, put some batteries in and started clicking through the speeds, just to see the look on Kris’ face. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Please,” said Kris, his eyes wide with longing.

Click. Adam set it on the lowest speed and ran it up and down Kris’ shaft until he began to beg for real.

“Fuck…please, Adam, please…I want…”

Only then did he coat it with lube and press it in between those beautifully rounded cheeks. “No more talking unless I say so,” Adam ordered, and Kris nodded, shivering in anticipation.

“That’s my good rabbit.” Wearing only a pair of boxer briefs, Adam sat down at the end of the bed in between Kris’ tied up, spread out legs. In this position it’d be easy to control things and still see the show. He worked the vibe in slowly towards Kris’ spot, because once it hit Adam didn’t plan on moving it until Kris was wrecked by orgasms. He stroked those taught thighs, but ignored Kris’ cock. He wouldn’t touch it until the very end.

Since he wasn’t allowed to speak, Kris was reduced to expressing himself through sounds and body language alone, and Adam knew it was going to be glorious. He was already hard just watching him tremble with need. Almost there…almost…

Kris tensed, his muscles rippling as he moaned and yanked on the restraints. Although they’d played this game many times, Adam found himself more turned on than ever, and had to take a moment to breathe so he wouldn’t jump Kris’ bones right then and there. “That’s just the lowest speed,” he said when he’d regained control, “wanna see what happens when I turn it up?”

Kris answered with a desparate whine. 

Click, click…up to level three and the whining became whimpering, Kris tossing his head and straining his neck and god, Adam loved this, undoing him so completely. He pet his own dick as if reassuring it that patience would pay off in the end. After another few minutes, Kris was panting and whipping his head back and forth. The sounds changed into guttural grunts, the veins on his neck stood out, fluid began to gush from his cock, a long steady stream…and then Adam clicked to level four. “You may speak.”

“Adamadamadamadam! Fuck fuck fuck!”

“That’s enough.”

Kris’ body shook as he moaned and shouted nonsense, the vibrator still pressing, still buzzing every single second, past the first orgasm and heading to the next one, which would be dry but even more intense. These kinds of prostate orgasms felt different, Adam knew. There was no recovery time needed in between, and they were even more pleasurable for Kris. But oh god what this was doing to Adam! He bit his lip and pressed the heel of his palm to his cock, trying to relieve the pressure. _Keep going, it’ll be worth it, fucking worth it, just don’t stop._ Adam went to level five and Kris put his bonds to the test, wrenching his wrists as he tried to writhe and squirm. And then he suddenly stopped, arched his back as much as he could and came hard. There was no seed, no fluid, and his cock stayed rigid as he cried out and thrashed through the second orgasm.

“Oh my god,” Adam breathed, “fucking hell.” His briefs were soaking wet by now and it was all he could do to keep the vibrator steady. He swallowed hard, twice, and made a valiant attempt to resume his role. “One word, you may say one word.”

Kris opened his mouth. “MORE!”

The word almost tipped Adam over the edge; he had to clench every muscle in his body to keep from coming, to keep from moaning like a whore. _Not gonna make it, not gonna...need to come…need…need to…fuck…fuck._ But he gave Kris more…all the way up to level 7, and Kris came again almost immediately. Adam, still holding on, took him through two more orgasms, but during the last one he nearly started humping the bed. With an almighty effort, he put all of his willpower into finishing Kris off.

Now sobbing, his cock angry red and still rock hard even after coming five times, Kris was a ruined man, his body drenched with sweat and every inch of him shaking. Adam kept the vibrator on the highest speed and at long last, wrapped his free hand around Kris’ length. “Speak,” he said, and began to stroke. 

And Kris spoke; the most obscene, filthiest language Adam had ever heard in his life came pouring out of that mouth. On and on it went as Adam jerked him off and pulsed the buzzing vibrator for maximum stimulation, until finally all Kris could say was his master’s name, shouting it again and again and again and…

“ADAAAMMM!!!” 

Adam worked fast, leaping up from the bed to free Kris from the cuffs as quickly as he could and then…it was gorgeous, the way his lover curled up into a ball and rocked through it, still calling his name, spurting thick ropes of cum onto the mattress and weeping. Adam removed the vibrator, turned it off and stripped out of his underwear. Then he waited and watched, almost in awe at the raw pleasure emanating from Kris’ being. His own need was staggering, but he waited for a full two minutes until Kris rolled onto his back. That was the signal, and he scrambled to respond. In seconds he was thrusting into that over sensitized hole to finish the domination.

He tried to make it last as long as possible, but couldn’t stop himself from pounding hard and fast. Kris babbled broken words, barely holding on as Adam fucked him senseless. With so much abandon, he only managed about a minute before he was welcoming a sweet release like rain after months of drought, and filling Kris with his cum.

“Adam,” Kris whispered hoarsely as his spent body took it all.

“Angel,” he answered, and collapsed onto the bed. With one weak, trembling kiss, they attempted to cuddle, but fell asleep almost immediately.

***

At four-thirty in the morning, Kris woke up to birdsong so loud that he couldn’t believe Adam was sleeping through it. He tried putting a pillow over his head, but it was no use; he was wide-awake. _Damn racket,_ he thought, feeling like an old man cursing at the partying kids next door. The birds on the tree outside couldn’t imagine that their chirping was anything but uplifting as they sang the darkness away. 

Now that he was conscious, Kris’ other senses came alive, and the first thing that hit him was the smell of sex. He smiled as scenes from last night began to play in his mind.

“Kris?”

“Shhh, go back to sleep, baby, it’s early.”

“Can’t. Birds too loud.”

“I know, they woke me up, too,” he said, nestling into Adam’s outstretched arms.

“God it reeks in here,” said Adam, chuckling softly. “It’s almost like someone came their brains out last night.”

Kris giggled. “Guess we should change the sheets.”

“Good idea, but not until I’ve cuddled you to death, my sweet, ferocious little sexpot.”

Sexpot. Kris liked the sound of that in a naughty way, but since it was so early, his brain turned it into a goofy song. “I’m a little sexpot, short and stout, here is my handle and here is my spout,” he sang, and Adam started cackling.

“I like your spout, and your handle,” he laughed, hugging Kris hard, and they lay in bed for another half hour, giggling and smooching until their bladders forced them to get up and pee. And then they did change the sheets, and shower and let Fifi outside and start making breakfast. When Fifi came in, however, they stopped what they were doing and, as was their custom now, spent some time loving her up, telling he how special she was and how glad they were that she was in their lives.

After a rousing game of hide the hamburger, Fifi yipped her happy bark, pranced to her food bowl and looked up expectantly, her tail wagging a mile a minute.

“Hungry, girl?” Adam cooed as he scratched behind her ears. He took a plastic container from the fridge and put a few scoops of all natural homemade doggy chow into her bowl. Kris was still tickled that Adam had become Fifi’s chef, but he loved him for it.

“Maybe we should pass out from sex at eight-thirty more often,” Adam said as he reached into the cereal cabinet for a container of rolled oats. “I feel great!”

Kris smiled at the freshly washed, freckled face that he loved so much. “I feel good, too, especially because I get to marry the most amazing man in the universe in…four weeks! Wow.”

“Oh my god,” said Adam, as if it were all just hitting him now. He closed the cabinet door and stared at Kris. “You’re going to commit yourself to me, forever.”

“That’s the plan, isn’t it?” Kris said, and leaned over the kitchen counter to kiss him on the cheek.

“Yeah…I just…sometimes it’s just…” 

“You deserve happiness, you know you do,” said Kris softly, and waited for Adam to remember this fact. _Which he will._

Adam closed his eyes for moment, breathed in, and then opened them. “I do deserve happiness, and I’m going to marry my lover…in four weeks.” Suddenly his dreamlike expression cleared and his eyes popped. “Kris, there’s still so much to do! Sutan will kill us if we don’t get through those RSVP cards today.”

“Well let’s do it over breakfast then. How’s that?” said Kris in a soothing voice. “I can swing by his place on my way to work and give him the final count.”

Adam agreed, and they ate their oatmeal and blueberries while sorting the cards into two piles. One for ‘delightfully accept’ and one for ‘regretfully decline.’ Kris sorted while Adam counted the attendees, including children and guests. Kris was just getting into a groove when one name stood out and brought him to a screeching halt. Sylvia Dunbar. “Oh,” he said, very quietly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I thought…she said last week that she didn’t know yet, so I guess…I guess she decided,” he said, trying not to care, but his heart still drooped at seeing the checkmark next to ‘regretfully decline.’ 

“Oh, babe,” said Adam after he’d looked at the card, “I’m so sorry.”

Kris blinked back a tear. “I just thought that for once, she’d do something to make me happy, just for me. And I don’t get it. She likes you now.”

Adam put an arm around him and hugged him close. “True, but that doesn’t mean she believes in what we’re doing.”

“So what? I mean can’t she suspend disbelief for just one night?” Kris crumpled the card in his fist, but his sadness was short-lived. He was tired of letting his grandma control his emotions so easily. _So she’s not coming to my wedding. Am I really that surprised?_ He left Adam’s comforting arm and stood up, still clenching her ‘regretfully decline’ in his fist. “Fine. She’s made her decision. That’s that. Now I’m making one, too. Since she won’t be there, I want to add that other song to our first dance list.”

“The cute one with the swears in it?” Adam asked, looking a little stunned.

“Yes. That song fits us perfectly, you said so yourself. I don’t care who might have a problem with it. It’s our wedding.” 

Adam stood up, too. “You’re right. Okay, I’m in. We’ll have two first dance songs, one traditional and one--”

“Rebellious,” said Kris, feeling the word.

“God you’re sexy when you get all wild child,” said Adam, pulling Kris to him.

He smirked. “You know what else?”

“What?”

“I say we rearrange Tuesday night so we can have a proper beach date, and then Wednesday can be all about Matt.”

“But--”

“No buts,” said Kris firmly. He watched with satisfaction as Adam’s eyes filled with lust. “Later,” he whispered against his lover’s lips. “We have work to do.”

They finished calculating the final count, but Kris could feel hot desire directed at him the whole time. _Who’s the wolf now?_

***

When Tuesday arrived, Kris and Adam packed up their picnic basket and headed to Santa Monica at around six o’clock in the evening. The sky was clear and just on the edge of turning a shade bluer. Shadows followed Adam’s car as it zigzagged through shortcuts and back roads to avoid traffic, the dark reflections of trees growing longer with every passing minute.

They found their little section of beach fairly deserted as usual, with only the occasional jogger running the coastline and a few couples like themselves, holding hands and enjoying the evening. Adam kicked off his flip-flops as soon as he and Kris hit the sand, sighing as the warm grains massaged his feet. _Hello, beach. Hello, ocean. Did you like our little display of affection last week? Wanna see it again?_ He squeezed Kris’ hand and smiled to himself. As many times as they came here these days, it never failed to amaze him how relaxed he felt. Yes, those old voices still existed, but they were so small and so far away that they might’ve belonged to someone else. Adam never heard them here anymore. He’d successfully put them to sleep last year. Only good thoughts and good memories were left. 

He shook out a beach blanket and began to unpack their dinner while Kris laid back and crossed his arms behind his head. With his sunglasses on and his lips curved into a small smile, he was the picture of beach perfection in Adam’s opinion. Chuckling, Adam pulled out a cluster of grapes and fed a few to his fiancé as if he were a Greek god. 

“Mmm, thank you, slave boy,” said Kris, grinning and opening his mouth for more.

Adam giggled and fed him his tongue instead. Kris didn’t seem to mind.

Between all the kissing, cuddling and goofing around, they only managed to eat half of what they’d packed by the time the sun was setting. But it didn’t matter. What mattered was the feel of Kris’ body leaning into his as they sat and watched the show. Tonight’s theme was layers. First came the expanse of blue, going from dark to light as it blended with a wide stripe of clouds and then melted into butterscotch gold. The last layer was a sea of lava with the sun at its core, a molten ball of fire that turned the water red.

“Looks like candy stripes,” said Kris, snuggling back into his Adam-chair.

“Or a rainbow.”

“It’s gorgeous.”

“So are you,” said Adam as he nuzzled Kris’ neck. 

Kris sighed and tilted his head to allow for better access, a long practiced move that almost always encouraged Adam to take things to the next level. It worked like a charm, and soon Adam was laying his angel down on the blanket, the last of the sun’s light creating a halo around his head.

“Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too,” said Kris.

They made love under a second blanket, their bodies wrapped tightly around each other and their kisses muffling the sounds of sex and release.

***

In the darkness that followed, Kris asked Adam to tell him the story of Aquarius, the Water Carrier. It was his favorite of all the constellation myths, not only because it was Adam’s birth sign, but he also liked to imagine himself as the cup-bearer to his own personal, black-haired, blue-eyed Zeus. He zoned out to the sound of Adam’s gentle voice and the rush of the ocean waves. Unfortunately, part of his body was on the verge of discomfort, and he had to push pause and ask for a bathroom break.

“Be right back,” he said. “And don’t loose your place. I don’t wanna miss the part where Zeus brings the pretty boy back to Mount Olympus.”

Adam winked. “Better hurry up then.”

Kris giggled and dashed off toward the public restroom, which was very tiny but serviceable. It took him a full minute to get there, but he just couldn’t bring himself to pee in the ocean like Adam did. When he was done, he came out and was about to jog back, but something caught his attention: a flash of gold off to the right. Kris looked around just as someone walked away from a trash can that was stationed next to a street lamp. The person seemed familiar to him. Feeling uneasy, he trotted over to the can and looked inside. “Oh my god,” he whispered, staring at the wrapper.

“ETHAN!” he yelled at the man who was retreating into the dark cover of the beach.

The man turned around, yelped, and started running. Kris took off after him, blood boiling in his veins, his fingers itching to close around that bastard’s neck. Kris was faster, and he caught up just as Ethan was about to swerve around a large pile of rocks. He launched himself, managed to grab an ankle, and Ethan went down. Scrambling, Kris pinned him to the sand face down and yanked his left arm behind his back.

“What’s the matter?” Ethan puffed, “Did your doggy get a wittle tummy ache?”

“BASTARD!” Kris shouted, and punched him in the ear. “You almost killed her! You fucking psycho! What the hell is wrong with you?” He suddenly felt crazy, insane with rage, as if he were a werewolf transforming under the full moon.

“Fuck you!” Ethan whined. “It was just a little chocolate!”

“You fucking asshole! She was in the hospital for four days!” Kris twisted Ethan’s arm hard enough to make him cry out. “And what the fuck, throwing a brick at Adam? Have you lost your fucking mind! You motherfucking--”

“I didn’t aim for his head!” shouted Ethan, “and the chocolate was just supposed to make her a little sick…I didn’t mean…I didn’t know--”

“SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Kris’ brain was breaking, being attacked by a roaring monster that was demanding payback. It took a massive effort not to start beating the living shit out of Ethan.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, okay! I saw you with Adam and you looked so confident and I wanted you and…and I just flipped out!

“Why not come after me then!” Kris yelled as he wrenched Ethan’s other arm behind him.

“Ow! Goddammit I don’t know!”

“And then what? You stalked us to our apartment, you sick fuck!”

“No it was an accident I swear!” Ethan cried, kicking his feet in pain. “I was just in your neighborhood last month…I heard your laugh, Kris…your beautiful laugh…and I saw you and Adam…and your dog in the backyard. You looked--”

“An accident? You fucking poisoned a member of my family, you repulsive sack of shit! Who does that, huh? Tell me, Ethan, what kind of person hurts an innocent, helpless animal! What kind, ETHAN, WHAT KIND?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, for god’s sake you’re breaking my arms!”

But suddenly Kris understood. Ethan was a manipulator, a cheater. Every time he’d been unhappy with their relationship, he had cheated on Kris, never confronting him directly.

“You fucking COWARD!” Kris roared, and spat at him. “Always sneaking, always cheating! I should rip out your heart! Then maybe you’d understand how it feels!” He twisted Ethan’s arms harder until the man was begging him to stop. 

“STOP! Please! I’ll do anything you want, I’ll turn myself in, tell them everything…anything!” 

Kris eased up a bit, and with this action, rational thought flowed back into this brain. _I did it. I caught him, made him confess, and punished him for hurting me. I did that._ Kris felt…powerful. Deep in his bones, it came alive and pressed its existence into ever fiber of his being. Power. 

“Kris, sweetie, please let me go,” Ethan whined.

“Be quiet,” he said, with such venom that it silenced his captive immediately.

Power. It licked his nerve endings, set his mind on fire with possibilities. _I can do anything, say anything. No one can control me unless I want them to._ And then Kris actually smiled. He sat there on Ethan’s back, holding him prisoner, and he smiled. 

_I’m free._

***

After ten minutes, Adam began to worry. Kris’ pee runs usually only took five minutes, tops. He frowned, looking around for any sign. But the beach was completely empty, and nothing was moving except the ocean. _Maybe he can’t find me._ But that wasn’t likely. They came here so often that they both knew this beach backwards and forwards, even in the dark. Trying not to wonder if something bad had happened, Adam packed up their things (including Kris’ cell phone, damn it) and headed toward the bathrooms. When Kris wasn’t there, however, he started to panic a little.

“Kris? Angel? Where are you, baby?” Adam strained his eyes, scanning the beach in every direction until finally, he saw something off in the distance. It wasn’t much, just a lump on the horizon silhouetted by moonlight, but he knew in his gut that it was Kris. He dropped the picnic basket and blankets and ran like hell.

“Kris! Kris!” he shouted as he approached the shape.

“Adam!” Kris called back. “It’s Ethan! I’ve got him!”

Adam stopped running and came to a stop about five feet from his destination. His worry for Kris became anger so intense that it was frightening. “Get off of him,” he told Kris, his voice deathly cold. “Let him up.”

Kris didn’t hesitate, perhaps knowing that Adam needed to have his own reconciliation. He could not have known, however, what that would lead to in the end. Ethan had about five seconds, rising shakily to his feet, before Adam decked him in the jaw and he crashed to the ground.

Unlike Kris, Adam sat on his chest and looked into his eyes. “You’re dead,” he hissed as he curled his fingers around Ethan’s throat. “I’m going to kill you…you’re about to die, hear me?”

The moonlight showed Ethan’s absolute terror, his eyes wide and screaming, his breath failing as Adam crushed his windpipe. He tried to wave at Kris for help, but Kris was already trying to pull Adam away with no success.

“Kill you, for what you did to me,” Adam said. Something broke open then, a cage, one that’d been locked for years, its padlock rusted with age, and out of that cage flew these words: “You freak!” Adam snarled. “You disgusting, fat, ugly FREAK!” He spat them, screamed them into Ethan’s face, strangling him with both hands now. “I’LL KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME! ALL OF YOU, EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IS GOING TO DIE YOU FUCKING BASTARDS, ALL OF YOU!!!!” 

Ethan’s face started to turn blue, but he managed to get out one last, rasping sentence. “Help me.”

Time stood still. Even the ocean seemed to freeze as it experienced a powerful sense of déjà vu. Adam’s entire world tilted on its axis, and then fell right over and cracked down the middle. The ocean surged again and Adam, rocked to his core, tore his hands away from Ethan’s neck as if they’d been burned. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please be okay. Are you okay, Ethan? Are you? Fuck…fuck…” He felt sick, and rolled away and vomited. He barely noticed that Kris had jumped in to restrain Ethan again.

 _What’s happening? What…I can’t think…what just happened?_

“Adam!” Kris called, his voice high and panicky. “Are you okay?

“Give me a minute…a minute…hold on…I’ll be alright…don’t let go of him.” Adam pressed his forehead to the sand, shivering and dazed. _I almost killed him. Here on the beach, in the dark, I almost committed a horrible crime. I…_ The words came back to him, his own words: I’ll kill you all. How easy it’d been to hurt Ethan when it was Sam in his mind, to let the rage flow unchecked. How good it’d felt to punish someone who’d made him feel powerless. Powerless, just like Sam had felt. Powerless to change his identity, powerless to be who his family and friends wanted him to be, and powerless to be brave like Kris. So he’d turned to violence. And Adam was continuing that cycle, right here with Ethan. _No. No more violence. No more hate._

He sat up and looked at the dark sky, suddenly wondering if Sam was up there and what was happening to him. And then, without ever meaning to, Adam gave him something. A tiny, infinitesimally small, sliver of forgiveness. A point zero, zero, zero, zero one measure that would barely register on the universal scale of forgiveness. Did it erase Sam’s behavior, did it make it okay? Absolutely not. But it reminded Adam that Sam was a person, an insecure, tormented person who’d done terrible things and deserved every ounce of punishment that he got. In fact he hoped Sam was still being punished somehow. But there was that sliver, that miniscule slice of sympathy. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. The weight that Adam had been chipping away at since high school, the one stamped with the words DAMAGED FREAK suddenly lifted, and was gone.

 _I’m free._

He gazed out at the ocean and felt…at peace.

***

On June 4th, 2011, Adam and Kris were wed in front of their family and friends, and sparkly peacocks. As a couple, they would continue to navigate the challenges of this world, but they had two things to help them. They had a love so pure that it could weather any storm, and they had freedom. For on that night in May they had each found a sense of inner freedom and peace that could be called upon in times of need. Kris came to understand his own power, and Adam’s world had changed with the power of forgiveness, even a small amount of it. Freedom to love, and to be loved. There was no greater wedding gift. 

“I now pronounce you husband and husband.”

 

-END-

 


End file.
